Accessible Text Version
Dear community,
As Mother’s Day approaches, I wanted to reach out personally because I know this day can hold so many emotions for so many of our community members.
If you’re a mother to a child with complex needs, Mother’s Day might look different for you. Seeing others celebrate the day with more ‘typical’ experiences can feel isolating and overwhelming.
Please know that you are an incredible mother to your child and try to find the time for at least one thing that nourishes you. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
For those of you who have lost your mum, Grandma or special person you hold in this regard, this day can be especially painful. Even if your loss was many years ago, anniversaries, birthdays and other special days have a way of reopening old wounds. Missing that special person, thinking about her or feeling the loss of the space she once filled is a reflection of love.
For those whose mum is seriously unwell, you may be carrying what we call ‘anticipatory grief’ – grieving for someone whilst they are still here. It can be exhausting and confusing, often raising feelings of deep sadness, fear or guilt. You may feel pressured to make every moment ‘meaningful’ and feel bad if this isn’t always possible.
There is no right or wrong way to walk this path – please be gentle with yourself.
I am also especially mindful of mothers who have lost children, whether recently, long ago, in infancy, childhood or adulthood. Mother’s Day can intensify feelings of emptiness and invisibility. If this is you, I want you to know that you are still and always will be a mother. Your love for your child continues and your loss deserves compassion and recognition.
For those whose relationships with a mother or a child were complex or painful, this day may bring a range of mixed and difficult feelings. You may grieve what once was or what was missing. Whatever you feel, sadness, anger, relief, confusion or even numbness, it is valid.
Mother’s Day can also be difficult if you are the partner of a mother who is no longer here or if you are supporting someone close to you who is grieving. You may be carrying your own loss while also trying to be strong for others. You might feel unsure about what to say or do. Often, simply acknowledging the day and gently recognising the person who is missing can mean more than finding the ‘right words’ to say.
If this day feels heavy, you might consider stepping back from social media, letting someone you trust know this day feels difficult for you, or plan something gentle for yourself. It is OK to acknowledge the day in a way which feels right for you – or treat it like any other day if this feels right for you.
Please remember that you do not have to carry this alone. Our counselling support service is here for you if you would like a space to talk about difficult feelings. We also have our wider community, where support can be found in different ways, through shared understanding, connection and simply being alongside others who ‘get it’.
If this time of years is affecting you, I encourage you to reach out. We are here to support you.